How to be Human
by CoalTreasure
Summary: Okay, take one girl raised by Autobots, throw a group of kids that somewhat know what they're getting into, four caretakers and a ship full of incoming Autobots? One insane adventure! Don't own anything, read and review, please! '07, '09, & G1 mix!
1. Sal

**Author's Notes:** _Speaking_ is thinking, "Speaking" is regular talk, _:Speaking:_ is bond speak, and** Speaking** is Cybertronian**.**

**How to be Human **

_Nine vorns ago… _

"_Now push!!" _

"_AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The giant yellow green medic winced as the scream faded as silence enveloped the dorm. The three bots that were with the medic looked at the crying human woman and the little body cradled gently in his hand. _

"_We lost her," the medic said sadly._ _One of the other bots shook his head desperately, snatching the little body and began to do CPR on it. _

"_Come on, lil' gal. Don't give up!" he whispered to the little body. After a few moments of this there was a slight cough and a wail started up as the bots laughed and cried in relief at the little girl who was brought back to life. The bot tried to hand the baby over to the mother, but she shook her head and beckoned him closer. He complied, and the mother put her hand on his face. _

_Instantly, information ranging from history to languages to manners to the food and human items hidden underground entered his CPU. Soon, everything about humans was in his CPU and spark. The hand left, leaving him gasping for oxygen to cool down. The woman finally spoke. _

"_Hunter, Hunter Collins. She's yours." Then she died. The baby continued to cry, hungry and cold. One of the other bots, not the medic through and having what looked like wings coming out of his back, gently took the baby and wrapped her up in a blanket. The biggest bot there sighed. _

"_Jazz, Prowl, congratulations. You have a _daughter_." _

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_Present_

The nine vorn old, black haired, yellow eyed, tan skinned girl was bored. Hunter Collins continued to stare out of the classroom window, barely listening to the teacher as she spoke with her fathers over her bond. The bond was established when she was first born, when Jazz and Prowl put some of their spark energy into her baby bottle in order to truly make her _their_ creation. She smiled at a little joke that Jazz, who she called "Dad" or "Daddy", made up while Prowl, who she called "Father", tried to reassure her that they would be at Earth soon and to not worry.

Just then, the lunch bell rang, and everyone grabbed book bags and lunches and headed for the door. Hunter took her time to calmly gather her things and say good-bye to her fathers. The cafeteria, however, was a different story.

The place was loud, big, and confusing. It had to be big because it housed three school students into one place: the high school, the middle school, and the elementary school students. Hunter _hated_ the cafeteria; it was full of immature teenagers that teased others by the way that they looked or who they loved or something else that was completely confusing. She barely understood human languages; much less speak them without having trouble. Jazz had started to teach her about human culture when she was taken away from her family.

_No, don't think about that now girl. You'll ruin your appetite,_ she thought. Hunter finally spotted a table near the high schoolers' side that was empty except for one freshman high school student with a bright lime green shirt and little shiny hoop earrings.

_Salvador "Sal" Renchal_, she thought. _A nice name, but people call him gay, and Daddy didn't explain that one to me. Hmm._

Sitting near him, she unpacked her lunch and began to eat her peanut butter and marshmallow cream sandwich, which was satisfying her sweet tooth against the apple, cereal bar, juice, and Chex Mix that were a part of her lunch. Several times she noticed him looking at her, but she didn't comment. Finally, he looked at her and said, "Why are you here?"

Hunter looked at him confused. "What do you mean?"

Sal shook his head and continued, "Why are you here with me? On the high school side? You're only in, what, fourth grade?"

"Yeah, your point? Is there some law that says that it's illegal to sit on the high school side?"

"Sorta, it's unspoken but yeah."

"Well I only follow laws that have a good reason to be laws and this is a stupid law," Hunter told him. She returned to her lunch. At the end of lunch, she waved to him good-bye and went back to class, not noticing that he was staring at her.

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After school ended, Hunter ran to her caretaker's apartment with all of the books that she needed for homework that night. She always ran to her caretaker's apartment to get stronger. After reaching the apartment (she will never call the place home, not without Jazz and Prowl), she did her homework, got changed, and went to Judo. After Judo, she had dinner with Miss Rachel Selin, her caretaker, and her Spanish boyfriend, Pablo Juan.

At ten, the two adults said good night to Hunter and went to bed. But Hunter could still the bedsprings squeak when they go at it. She shuddered and wished that they would go somewhere else to do the dirty stuff, or at least wait until they bonded. She _hated_ listening to them, hence the TV going on. Flipping through channels, she finally settled on _Queer Eye for the Straight Guy_. It was somewhat confusing at first, but then she saw how the five guys gave the other human male a makeover, including fixing up his room, manners, and teaching him how to cook. Then an idea struck her.

What if somebody taught her to be human? Not permanently, just until Dad and Father and the rest of the family got to Earth. That could work! But who to ask? None of the really older kids, they wouldn't like her constant questions. Nobody in lower grades, not enough experience. And no middle schooler would help her, focusing on their image and stuff like that. So she was stuck with Miss Selin and Pablo for help.

_Aggghhh!!! Pointless!! Like who would help me learn to be human?_ she thought angrily. Quickly she shut the TV off, changed into her PJs, and went to bed.

_:Love you, Daddy. Love you, Father.: _She sent to her fathers.

_:Love ya, too, sweetie.: _Jazz sent back.

_:Recharge well, my little one.:_ Prowl returned.

Just as Hunter was about to slip into dreamland, a name popped up. _Sal_. How could she be so stupid?! She could just ask Sal and she'll be good. That is if he'll talk to her. Maybe he will.

With that piece of hope in mind, she drifted off to sleep.

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Fortunately for Hunter, the next day was the beginning of the weekend, two days of not doing anything at all. Then again 'not doing anything' has the wrong meaning to her.

She woke up at seven thirty, did her stretches and exercises, and showered. Around an hour later, she fixed breakfast for herself (fruit, eggs, and two pieces of sausages), cleared out the dishwasher, and watched as Miss Selin and Pablo got ready for work; Miss Selin was a scientist in electronics and chemistry while Pablo was a mechanic at a local shop.

After they left, she cleaned up her room, putting clothes and books away. Then she had lunch, watched a little TV, and did her homework. A short nap later, she went down to the apartment building's basement to work out a little. Finished an hour later, another shower, and Miss Selin came home. Dinner, a movie, and dessert later found Hunter out cold and Miss Selin carrying her to bed.

Sunday. The dreaded/loved day. Oh how she _**hated**_ Sunday, and yet _**loved**_ it at the same time. Sunday was the day that she would get up and help make breakfast with Pablo's grandmother and grandfather, Abuela Maria, who can be very sweet with making tortillas and melting chocolate while being as tough as Warpath, Ironhide, or Chromia when she wants to be, and Abuelo Diego, who makes the funniest jokes and helpful with speaking, as they insist to be called. Hunter nicknamed Abuela "Abuela Lunchadora"(Fighting Granny) after a young man on the lower levels tried to win an argument about how there were no such things as aliens. The whole argument was broadcasted to the army that her fathers were in, and they simultaneously agreed that Abuela Maria and Abuelo Diego were a part of the family, especially after Abuelo Diego taught Hunter how to say 'please' and 'thank you' in both English and Spanish after multiple mispronunciations.

But Hunter didn't hate breakfast, as Abuela Maria taught her human manners, recipes (particularly the chocolate ones), and cooking while Abuelo Diego told funny jokes to her, although it was only once a month. No, she hated dinner with Miss Selin's mother, Mrs. Terry Selin, "Control Freak" as she likes to call the overbearing mother. Control Freak didn't like Pablo, she didn't like the apartment, and she defiantly did NOT like Hunter.

So Hunter did the logical and peaceful thing when Control Freak was there; she hid in her room. She already gave the full report that Control Freak was like a WMD to Jazz and Prowl, who told everyone on the ship that the army has, the _Ark_, and Silverbolt's fiancée, a former Decepticon, said that she'll believe it when she sees her. And when dinner came around, she didn't talk to Control Freak, rather she stared and observed the movements of the matriarch of the Selin family and their meanings. She found out that Control Freak didn't like staring and was scolded for it.

When she left, everyone breathed a sigh of relief. After a shower, Hunter went to bed, with a promise to herself that she will ask Sal if he could help her.

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The first thing that Hunter did was asked Miss Selin about an important matter.

"Miss Selin?" Hunter asked sheepishly.

"Yes? And you can call me Rachel, you know that." Miss Selin said.

"I know, I just don't feel comfortable calling you that. But I hear you with Pablo at night." Miss Selin's eyes widen when she understood what Hunter was implying.

"Oh, my goodness!! Why didn't you say anything?" she asked.

Hunter shouted in Cybertronian, **"I shouldn't have too!! I'm a sparkling, I don't like to listen to those things!! Daddy and Father never did those things while I was in the room!!!" **

She began to cry, missing her fathers even more than ever. Miss Selin put her arms around her as she cried for the comfort of her family's metallic arms and the smoothing of familiar voices around her.

"Hunter." The voice that she was hearing was sheepish, scared, and concerned. She looked up into emerald eyes. "How would you like Pablo and me to be married?"

Hunter looked confused for a second before she remembered that "married" was the human version of "bonded". She smiled and said, "About time!!"

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At school, Hunter informed Jazz and Prowl about the possible wedding.

_:All right!! Party!!:_ Jazz cheered.

_:Jazz! It's a possibility, it might not happen!!:_ Prowl scolded his mate.

_:Father, when do we need a reason to party?:_ Hunter teased.

_:When there's high-grade involved, Hunter. Now pay attention to your instructor; we'll talk to you tonight.:_ Prowl told her.

_:Don't worry, we'll be there in a couple of orns. Be patient, we have a couple o' surprises fer ya!!:_ Jazz said teasingly.

_:Bye, Daddy! Bye, Father!: _Hunter sent to them and listened to the teacher.

At lunch, she looked around for Sal, and saw him with Angela Carter, whose heart was as pure gold, Jason Asp, an openly gay eighth-grader that nearly died after an attack because the guys that attacked him thought that homosexuality was wrong, Raul Soto, Jason's boyfriend, and Dakota Hoss, school journalist and a girl that has a stubborn streak a galaxy wide. Hunter decided to ask Sal after she found more info about his schedule.

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Near the end of the week, Hunter figured out Sal's routine. He went to his classes, lunch, and everything a freshman student did. At the end of school, she noticed that he walked home after school. The school and everything around it was flat land, and there are four streets that could be clearly seen from the elementary school entrance. Sal lived on the third street, but he had been noticing her watch him.

On Thursday, Hunter made her move, and lived up to her fathers' talents and stalked him. At the end of the day, she pulled on an orange hoody to hide the current green shirt that she was wearing. Sunglasses covered her yellow eyes, and she mingled in the elementary crowd. As soon as Sal passed the crowd, she moved out of the crowd and followed him. Every so often he checked behind his shoulder to see if she was following him. When he turned onto his street she didn't turn with him, rather she went up the last street and backtracked to see the street…empty. Drat. She missed him.

Sighing, she came out of her hiding place…only to be tackled to the ground by a bigger body. Instinctually she pulled her legs up to her chest and kicked her attacker off, went up into a fighting stance, only to find that her 'attacker' was Sal. She dropped her stance and laughed.

"You're good!" she complemented him. He scowled.

"Why are you following me?! I won't let you leave until you tell!" he demanded.

"Well, you caught me. Hold on." Quickly she got rid of the hoody and sunglasses, Sal recognized her yellow eyes.

"You're Hunter Collins, the girl who sat with me on Friday!"

"Yep. Quick question. What's a gay?" Silence. Then Sal asked, "You don't know what a gay is?"

"Well, I'm guessing that's it's when a boy likes another boy?" Hunter guessed sheepishly. Sal nodded.

"Now what do you want?" he asked irritably. She looked to ground and asked, "Will you teach me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Will you teach me how to be human, please?"

Sal shook his head and said, "No way! You should know how to be human!"

He walked up to a ranch style house while Hunter asked once more, "Please, Sal! PLEASE?!"

Sal hesitated for a moment but continued to the door. Over his shoulder, he shouted, "I said NO!"

And he slammed the door. Hunter felt lower than dirt. Now what was she suppose to do?

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**Author's Note**: Don't worry, Sal's gonna do something nice! : ) Review please!!


	2. Taken

**Author's Notes:** _Speaking_ is thinking, "Speaking" is regular talk, _:Speaking:_ is bond speak, and** Speaking** is Cybertronian**.**

**How to be Human Ch. 2 **

The next day was Friday, and at lunch Hunter was about to unpack her lunch when Sal came up to her.

"Alright, I'll do it." Hunter brightened, but then Sal raised his hand.

"But on three conditions. First, you'll sit with my friends and me. Second, you'll help us start up our GSA. And third, you'll help us understand you better."

"Huh?" Hunter was confused. _What_ _was a GSA and understand her better? What was he talking about?_ she thought.

"You tell us some of your history and you'll be good." Sal explained as she picked up her lunch and walked with him to the table with Angela, Jason, Raul, and Dakota. Angela, a junior and whose skin was a really dark brown almost black color, and Dakota, a sophomore and a blonde, smiled bright smiles while Jason, a red head, and Raul, a Mexican, tried to shake her hands with her lunch in them. After she put her lunch down, everyone was shaking her hands, trying to ask as many questions as possible, and making her head spin.

At last she said, "Hold on!! One question at a time, please! You all are making my head spin."

Quickly the noise quieted down and the questions began again.

"So Sal says that you're Hunter Collins. This true?" Dakota asked, being the journalist that she is.

"Yeah, and what's a GSA?" Hunter asked. Jason explained what a GSA is.

"GSA stands for 'gay straight alliance'. Gays like Sal, Raul, and me get teased everyday for liking other boys. Straights like Angela and Dakota are affected too, because they're associated with us."

"Why is it wrong here to love someone of the opposite gender?" Hunter asked, confused. Sal shrugged his shoulders.

"Who knows? People say that they go to Hell, but that's not true. They just interpret it as a sin."

Hunter frowned, and just said, "That's silly."

Then everything went to safe material. Favorite color? Green. Favorite food? Mac and cheese. Angela and Hunter were surprised to find out that they both liked summer. Suddenly, the end of lunch bell rang. Sal pulled Hunter aside to speak to her.

"All of us are going over your place after school, okay?"

"Okay, but I need to call Miss Selin and I also run to the apartment, which is ten blocks from here." Hunter told him.

"Ten blocks?! You run ten blocks?!" Sal exclaimed, astonished.

"Yeah! You want in?" Hunter piped.

Sal thought about this and finally sighed and said, "Alright, we'll join you, but we will _walk_ instead of running."

Hunter beamed and headed off to class.

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As soon as she had her books for homework, Hunter called Miss Selin, who was informed of the plan originally and supportive of her. She agreed that the group could come over, and once Hunter hung up, Jason, Raul, Angela, and Dakota were there but no Sal. Ten seconds later, Sal came up.

"Let's go!" Jason cheered. Twenty minutes later, if you include traffic, the apartment was raided by six kids all excited and ready to teach.

"All right, who wants something to eat?" Hunter asked. Everyone said "ME!!!" and soon snacks were passed around. Once everyone had their snacks in hand, they trooped up to Hunter's room to talk. When they got to her room, the others were astonished to find Judo trophies and belts on shelves along with books, but barely anything else. Jason took his time ogling at the belts and broken boards, then asked, "Are you still doing this stuff?"

"Yep. It's really fun," Hunter said.

"What belt are you now?" Dakota asked, curious.

"A purple belt. That's level five. First there's white belt, then yellow, then orange, then green, purple which is where I am at now, blue, brown, and finally black. I advanced pretty quickly for someone my age."

"So why do you need us to teach you how to be human? You didn't tell me why," Sal asked Hunter. She looked nervously around, then said, "Can I trust you to keep a secret? And you gotta _swear_ that you won't tell _anyone_."

After nods and mummers of agreement, Hunter took a deep breath and said, "I'm not really from Earth."

"You're from outer space?!" Raul yelped. Quickly everyone else shushed him while Hunter pulled out a weird casing that had a disk in it. She continued.

"I was born human, but I lived on a planet called Cybertron. It was in the middle of a war and the ship that brought my mother had somewhat traveled back in time. She knew that she was pregnant with me at the time, but wasn't showing yet. She was captured after a battle, being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Fortunately, the good guys saved her before her water broke. Bad news, she died giving birth to me. Father said that I was dead for a little while, but then Daddy brought me back." With this sentence, she activated the disk casing to show a hologram of three people. One person was tiny, about the size of a baby, while the other two where large. Very large machines were together, one holding the tiny figure that only could be Hunter in his claws. One had doors for wings on his back, a five fingered hand, black and white, and a red-V on his forehead while the other had claws for hands, a visor, silver, and both were looking at the little bundle.

"Wow. Who are they?" Angela asked, fascinated. Hunter gave a small smile while saying, "These are my dads."

"Your folks are gay?" Sal looked surprised. Hunter gave a small shrug.

"We don't have a word for that. If your spark, or soul in a human's case, calls out to another, then you're mates."

"Lucky, you don't have stereotypes like humans here." Dakota said. Jason looked thoughtful.

"But why are you here now?" he finally asked. "I mean, shouldn't you be back at that place that you came from?"

Hunter's face fell. "Because I was taken away. My first impressions of humans weren't the best in the best in universe. They took me away while there was a battle going on. I lived on a military base full of the weirdest soldiers in **existence**, I mean creation. Well, during a battle, a transwarp gate opened and a bunch of humans came out and charged into the base. I was going to **Mirage **and **First Aid** for a lesson in the history of Primus." At this she pulled out a pad that was the equivalent size of a large book.

"What's that?" Angela asked.

"It's a datapad containing the Book of Primus. I was almost in the repair bay when someone snatched me up with the datapad and ran as fast as he could. **Mirage's** leg was shredded off by a bomb while **First Aid** was making a new one. When **First Aid** saw me stolen, he went _berserk_. The guy who had me barely made it to the middle of the battle without being stepped on when **Brawn** noticed the gate and **First Aid** freaking out and was able to put two and two together and raised the alarm. Daddy and Father went through tons of **Decepticons**, and everyone was either trying to get to me or stayed out of the way. But it was too late. All of the humans, including me, were through the gate and here on Earth. After I got here, I was experimented on and had needles stuck into me. After three Earth **vorns**, I mean years, I escaped and made it to here." Five seconds later she broke down crying. Angela and Sal hold her in-between them while Miss Selin came in. Five pairs of eyes turned to her for help.

She sighed as she said, "It's all right. After Hunter told me her story she broke down. Just tell her that her sensei called to say that there's no practice because he's sick." She left to cook dinner as Hunter started to calm down. Angela patted her shoulder and said, "Hey, Hunter?"

Sniff. "Yeah?"

"Would you believe me when I say that I feed a bunch of stray cats and dogs and there is a cat that I cannot figure out a name for? Would you like to help me figure out a name for him?"

Hunter looked thoughtful for a second and nodded her head yes. Quickly everyone packed up, told Miss Selin where they were going with instructions to bring Hunter back by seven o'clock, and walked six blocks to a small house with a birdbath with a man ("St. Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of animals," whispered Jason) on the outskirts of town. After going into the house to the kitchen for dog and cat food and into the backyard, a bunch of cats and dogs bombarded them. Quickly they put the food down and soon it was all gone. Then all of the animals either wanted to give kisses or wanted attention. One cat immediately headed towards Hunter and hopped onto her shoulder, settling under her left ear.

"That's the cat I can't figure out a name for. He's a seal point Siamese cat," explained Angela. At that point the Siamese decided to make his talents known to the whole group. He talked in cat. Meowing, purring, and a few hisses made up his vocabulary.

Hunter grinned and said, **"Oh, yes. You're a ferocious cat. Yes you are! And you're talkative too! Oh, I know what your name is now!" **She looked up to the older kids and declared, "His name is Talker!"

"Why 'Talker'?" Dakota asked.

"Because he likes to talk, like **Bluestreak**," was her answer.

"Angela! It's almost seven! Your friend needs to go!" A woman disappeared from the porch where she yelled. Hunter sighed and put Talker down. After a few strokes and pats, the group left.

On the way back, the group continued to ask questions.

"So, what was like living with giant alien robots?" Jason asked. Hunter grinned.

"Insane. You think that the army that's under the command of the leader of the Autobots himself would be proper, primped, and worrying about whether or not they are gonna die. Huh, not the warriors I lived with! They played pranks, annoyed each other good-naturedly, and made bets. Lots of bets."

"What kind of bets?" Dakota asked.

"Let's see, the most popular one that people still talk about was when **Grimlock** won the 'What's making the Second and Third in Commands Hide for Three **Orns**?' bet."

"What did he bet on?" Sal asked.

"That it had to do with, and I quote from **Sideswipe**, 'she squishy with big belly', end quote."

The whole gang stopped and stared at her. Giggling, Hunter held up her right hand and said, "It's the truth, I swear! And when Daddy and Father finally presented me, **Grimlock** went nuts over the fact that he won the pool and that there was a sparkling on base. Pit, everyone went nuts over the fact there was a sparkling on base. **Red Alert** just fried his circuits when he saw me."

"What's a sparkling?" Angela asked as they marched up to the apartment.

"Basicly a baby. Any more questions?"

"Yeah, do you have a screen name?" Jason asked.

"Got a phone number, not a screen name. Sorry." Hunter answered.

"Okay." Sal said while everyone wrote down a slip of paper their cell phone numbers. In exchange she gave them her number. After good-byes were said, Hunter went up to the apartment and opened the door to find Pablo and Miss Selin already at the table with Chinese takeout, her favorite. Pablo had General Tsao's Chicken while Miss Selin had Kung Pao Ming Har. Hunter got her white rice and chicken and broccoli all together when it hit.

"Hunter, guess what?" Pablo asked.

Hunter rolled her eyes. He liked to play this game and she allowed it because it could be _very _important news. Important like "Control Freak is coming over for a week, hide!" news.

"What?" Hunter shot back friendly.

"Some people are moving in here tomorrow and taking over the spare bedroom, that's all," Miss Selin said.

Hunter stopped her chopsticks half way to her mouth. Her eyes grew big as a horrible thought came to her.

"Please tell me it's not your mother and the lesser evils, please, oh please, not them!" Hunter begged.

Miss Selin laughed. "No it's not my mother and the lesser evils. They better than those vultures."

Hunter thought a little bit then broke out into a big grin. "Abuela Maria and Abuelo Diego are moving in with us?!"

"That's right! They'll be living with us while your family comes down. I believe Abuela's words were 'I will not miss out on meeting the familia that raised such a fine young lady.' This is going to be great!" cheered Pablo. Hunter also cheered and finished her meal as fast as she could without getting indigestion. After putting her dishes in the dishwasher, she called Sal and the gang and told them the great news.

"Awesome!" Sal cheered. "Now we can meet the whole family!"

"Yeah!" Angela agreed.

After chatting with the gang, she connected with her fathers.

_:Awesome! This is going to be interestin'!:_ Jazz hooted.

_:Jazz, relax. We're almost there. An orn and a half is all that we need to get there. And behave, my sparkling.:_ Prowl sent. After spending a few more minutes chatting with her fathers, she said good-bye and changed into her pajamas.

_Yep,_ she thought as she crawled into bed sleepily, _life was looking up. _

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Author's Notes: Who thinks that there should be some reviews? Show of hands. Reviews please!


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